For starters, I'm grateful that at least some of my friends and family in this country are experiencing some fine weather. Today, Fort Wayne's temperatures were the highest of any 'major' city in the United States. How's about that for a mind fuck? Today in Portland? Yeah, they're calling it a 'frozen mix.' I left work today to snow and slush. Gross. I tried to snap a decent picture of this seasonal anomaly but the snow wouldn't show too well on my iPhone camera. So you'll just have to believe me.
Tomorrow we go in for Dean's surgery consultation. He's getting a few nasal procedures done and I think I'm more nervous about it than he is. He goes in for surgery on Tuesday and I'm just grateful that he's finally getting these problems taken care of. It's no fun to watch the one you love suffer for no good reason other than the negligence of doctors in the urgent care system here in Portland. It makes me sad to think about how many people have likely gone through the same shit that he has over the least year or so. Nauseating to say the least.
For a second here, I'm going to bring up how grateful I am to be me. I've gone through a fair amount of turmoil in my short twenty three years and I feel like I've still maintained my morals, my beliefs, the things I hold near, dear, and true. I've seen a lot of people, when subject to adverse situations, completely change who they are because they don't know how to deal with the matters at hand. I've witnessed this my entire life. I feel like I've never fallen victim to it. Sure, when I went through two god-awful breakups in the span of six months, I cut a little loose. But I was still me. I was still Robin Yourgrave. I didn't really let anything stand in the way of that. I see people take their troubles and turn them into transformations of the upsetting sort. I think I'm just glad that I've never felt the need to do that.
I came to this realization when I was typing the first issue of my zine into my computer the other day. I've grown. I've learned. I've made choices differently with age. These being the facts that they are, I am still the same person. I still enjoy the same things. I still believe in everything that I did prior to these dangerous, life altering excursions. I stayed the same mentally and came out on the other side still smelling like roses.
I don't know--I just wish that I could see these qualities in everyone close to me. The sad truth of it all is that it just simply isn't the case. It makes me sad, sure, but it also makes me glad and incredibly grateful to be me.
I'm really pretty stoked on the person that I've decided to become.