05 May 2012

Weekly (Monthly?) Gratitude

I've been absent.  Forgive me.  Work schedules, medical bills, car accidents--all of these things lead to a lack of posting and a lack of creativity in the worst way possible.  For that I vehemently apologize. With the return of a stable work schedule, the return of a regular blogging schedule will certainly follow as well as more time to consider the things I've been grateful for lately as opposed to the things that have been stressing me out.

Dean made it through his surgery without a hitch.  I went into it expecting the worst and that goofy fucker was ready to go out and to a show by Friday (his surgery was on Tuesday, mind you).  He is still in the healing processes, sure, but he pretty much seems like the same old Dean.  Damn him and his fast healing.

I thought a lot about the car accident we were in and how much worse it really could have been.  We were t-boned, but the car that hit us hit the tire well instead of the driver's side door.  Dean made it out without a scratch and the only injuries I sustained were a torn muscle in my back and a slight headache for the remainder of the day.  We could have been far more severely injured than we were and I thank my lucky stars for that.  The events following the accident were less than desirable (Dean was deemed at fault, had to get a new car), but really our health is what matters.  

I'm grateful that my life will be returning to some shred of normalcy.  For the last six months I've been fighting with my body and its desire for a regulated sleeping schedule and now I can rest easy, knowing that I will no longer be spending hours on end cleaning up after customers who lack the consideration enough to realize that there are people employed who will inevitably have to clean up their messes.  My days will now be spent in the back of house, processing shipment, and pushing accessories to the floor.  I am so totally okay with this.

It's weird thinking about what brought me out to the sales floor in the first place.  I was promised promotions, morning hours with closes sprinkled in here in there, time in my department to do a better job than the people who were scheduled in there before me.  None of this happened.  I was so excited to remove myself from the stockroom, to rid myself of those stresses.  It turned out to be the opposite of what I wanted all along.  I don't want to move up with that company.  I don't want retail to swallow my soul.  I want to move on with my life.  I want to do better for myself.  I want to transform.  Maybe it was getting myself to the floor that made me realize this all along.  So for that, I am grateful.

Everything happens for a reason.  My last few months have definitely shown me this in some very cruel ways.  I can't really be mad though.  Sometimes the wake up call we need is buried deep within  the walls we put up around ourselves.  We can't hear the sound of it through our thick skulls but when it finally makes its way through, we realize that we had been doing it wrong all along.  I'm tired of doing it wrong.

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