21 July 2012

The Truth Behind Customer Service

A few days ago I returned from a wonderful trip back to Fort Wayne.  It was busy, sure, but I spent the last few days of the break relaxing as much as possible and I got some great quality time in with close family and friends.  I took the day after the vacation off of work to recuperate and prep myself for the work week to come. 

Naturally, upon my return to work I was greeted with three closing shifts in a row.  The last two nights have been a nightmare.  I don't know what it is about summer day shoppers, but they have the tendency to rip our store from groin to sternum and our minimal staffing can barely keep up.  That said, I've come up with a mental list of truths when it comes to dealing with these assholes and the retail environment in general.

For one, when an employee apologizes to a customer about not having a garment in stock, or the lines at the register or fitting room being too long--we don't really care.  Deal with it.  Shopping at a busy store like ours, waiting in those lines should just be taken in stride.  We know you're still going to spend money in our store, we know you're still going to return, and for that reason alone we don't care at all how long of a line you have to wait in or the fact that we don't have your size at the moment.  Get over it.

Unless you work on a commission based income or are a store manager, none of the employees give a fuck if we make the sales goals.  It has no bearing on how much money we make unless we reach the company's incredibly unrealistic goals of achieving a bonus.  The only things that matter to the employees are breaks and getting the fuck out of work on time.  That's it.  

We know that some of our employees suck.  Complaining about them is only going to do one thing: annoy the individual being complained to.  Sure, a reprimand will ensue and hopefully the employee in question will pick up the pace or remedy the problem.  The likelihood of that happening?  Slim to none.  It's retail.  Pretending you care is your only option.

If you took a garment home and your fat ass ripped out a seam in your two sizes too small pants, we are not going to let you return them.  That's not a quality issue, tubby.  That's a doughnut issue.  Get over it.  I certainly have.

I'm fully aware that many of our garments run small.  That's why trying stuff on is always a good call.  What I don't care about is your complaining about how our sizes run too small.  I can't change the way our clothes fit.  So either trim down a little or get over the fact that you may just have to buy a size 8 or 10 instead of a 4 or 6.  

And finally, a retail employee gets no greater pleasure than when the occasion rises to tell a customer no.  Nice, friendly, jovial customers--not so much.  But your typical asshole?  Yeah, we love to tell you guys no.  We don't like you.  We will never like you.


1 comment:

laurenjeanallece said...

"If you took a garment home and your fat ass ripped out a seam in your two sizes too small pants, we are not going to let you return them. That's not a quality issue, tubby. That's a doughnut issue. Get over it. I certainly have."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh golly, I miss you. Drinks sooner rather than later.

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