I've officially become a square.
It's Saturday. I'm stoked to clean my apartment. I'm stoked to study. I'm stoked to drink coffee and listen to Crusades all the while. For some reason this sounds like a very comforting day, only followed by a Faster Housecat show tonight and drinks with some dear friends. I can't complain.
I've been considering the idea of comfort a lot lately. What makes me comfortable? What are my personal ideas of comfort? What can really make me feel aligned with this concept?
It's really hard to put a finger on. In some respects, I'm most comfortable when I'm with Dean. He comes home from work, pours a cup of coffee, bares down to boxers and a t-shirt, and we lounge. I look forward to our nights spent eating dinner, watching Seinfeld, chain-smoking, and divulging our disdain for the rest of the world. It's oddly romantic, kind of sad, but for a reason I can't define--it's our element. It makes us feel like we have a leg up on everyone, like nobody else could possibly thrive in the way that we do.
There are times when comfort can only be achieved by myself. Right now, I have the sounds of "Attic" coursing through my ears, infecting my brain with vigor and the energy to stand for something. Not that I'm going to (stand up, that is--I'm fucking comfortable), but it invigorates with the power that I might need to accomplish anything. If I didn't hate organized religion so much, I'd form a church around these guys.
I'm comfortable when I'm in a class room. I feel like I now have the means to get a point across; I'm not in an intellectual lame duck session anymore. I can hear and be heard. I can communicate on a different platform than I was able before. I'm on a path toward my degree--that's a huge comfort.
I find comfort in that I don't have to spend holidays alone. I find comfort in love. I find comfort in my belief system.
I find comfort in the uncomfortable.
There's something about seeing unnerving images, ones that make most people's skin crawl. There's something beautiful in it. Combine these images to one greater piece, backed by music--and it's beautiful.